• end permanent alimony
• cap alimony awards based on a person's income and the length of the marriage
• make it easier for an ex-spouse to terminate or lower alimony payments upon retirement
• give parents equal timesharing of any children in the marriage

Representative Ritch Workman, R-Melbourne, sponsored the bill in an effort to bring about "fairness" and says that the changes "would help families and make divorce more manageable."

Other proponents of the bill are "trying to update divorce laws, which they said were written at a time when women were expected to stay home. They argued that the current law could bind divorced spouses financially for life, depending on a judge's ruling, and there needed to be stricter guidelines for the court."

According to an article by correspondent Christine Jordan Sexton of Jackson Business Journal, opponents feel the measure "would punish women who chose to remain in the home and help raise children."

Sexton said supporters of the bill, "contend the guidelines are necessary because judges today have too much leeway in considering alimony." While Representative Ritch Workman, who sponsored the bill, said "he wanted to give judges discretion in cases where there were special circumstances, such as a large number of children or children with disabilities. Or, a spouse may need alimony for a longer time because he or she suffers from mental illness."

Haughney and Huriash report an uncertainty about what Governor Scott will do with the bill given the representatives on both sides of the issue , the Florida Bar's section of Family Law opposing it, and Florida Alimony Reform rooting for a win.

The possibility that Florida alimony laws will be changing has increased dramatically. While legislators wait for Governor Scott 's signature or veto, divorce lawyers in Palm Beach County try to anticipate the ramifications for their clients. If you want to find out more about this issue, click here or here.

A Collaborative Divorce Coach is, according to the Collaborative Law Institute of Illinois, “a mental health professional who helps the two [divorcees] recognize, negotiate and communicate emotional concerns during the divorce process.” These professionals may come from the fields of psychology, social work or marriage and family therapy.  No matter what their chosen field, they should have specialized training in the collaborative process. It is important to note that as a coach, he or she must not function as a therapist for anyone in the family. Family members are encouraged, however, to work with a therapist outside of the legal side of divorce proceedings.

According to Robert A. Simon, Ph.D., writer for About.com Divorce Support pages, there are a number of areas of expertise provided by Divorce Coaches, such as: working though current emotional and practical challenges, helping negotiate the divorce settlement, and focusing the entire team’s efforts. The coach accomplishes this by promoting healthy communication, encouraging respectful dialogue, advocating empathetic listening, assisting with goal setting, and supporting both parents in putting their children’s needs ahead of their own. In addition, coaches help couples, “deal with the ‘triggers’ and psychological/emotional challenges that invariably come up in the course of a successful Collaborative Divorce,” says Dr. Simon.

Simon sums up the benefits of a divorce coach well when he says, “As complex and difficult as divorce is, one of the major advances and advantages of Collaborative Divorce is the inclusion of Coaches on the team. The recognition that healthy divorce is far more than a legal process represents how Collaborative Divorce is truly a value-added process that looks at the whole person and the whole family.”

Experienced family law attorneys from Jupiter to Wellington acknowledge that during a divorce, money is the key to many issues which need to be decided and settled. Everything else flows from it: Who gets the house? How are retirement assets divided? Who pays for the children’s needs?

Robert Simon, Ph.D., and writer for About.com Divorce Support pages, says, “the financial specialist assists the team by conducting a comprehensive assessment of the divorcing couple’s financial affairs including assets that are owned (such as homes, bank accounts, stock, retirement plans, businesses), debts that are owed (such as mortgages, loans, credit cards) and cash flows derived from work and from other sources.”

Using this comprehensive snapshot of how the family lives with finances and applying that to each individual’s realistic needs, the financial specialist helps construct the best options and works with the team to craft an agreeable financial settlement.

According to King County Collaborative Law, to ensure that the process remains neutral, the financial specialist is “prohibited from having an ongoing financial relationship with either party,” and cannot have had a relationship with either prior to the process.

Perhaps one of the specialist’s most unique roles, says Simon, is that he or she “does not represent any clear constituency within the family.” Look at it this way: Each adult has a collaborative lawyer and possibly a collaborative coach, the children have a child specialist but the financial specialist is a neutral professional. “Thus, the financial specialist is often in a position to truly observe and uphold the integrity of the overall Collaborative process.”

A financial specialist generally has a credential in either Certified Public Accountant (CPA) or Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and should earn a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) designation.

Having a financial specialist on your Collaborative Divorce Team has many benefits. Putting together a comprehensive, unbiased financial options for what is truly needed within the family is an important part of the duties. Add to that a person who has the whole process in mind and you make a “home run” every time.

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• Don't criticize: You may have bad feelings towards your spouse but don't share those in front of your children. Linda Perry, founder of Divorce Consultants in Chicago says, "If you talk bad about the spouse, this puts kids in a position to defend the other parent." If you need to have a place to off-load some of these intense feelings, go to a good friend, a counselor or spiritual leader.
• Admit mistakes: We all make mistakes and being able to share that with your kids is an important way to model positive living. Perry says, "Own your mistakes… If you do something you're not proud of around your kids, say 'I didn't handle that properly'." Communicating how you might handle it better in the future helps you form a plan and gives them a model for what to do when emotions get the best of us.
• Communicate face-to-face: In this day and age, information can be passed by the speed of light through technology. It is a perfect platform for communicating information such as a meeting time or location. It is, however, an irresponsible place to communicate emotionally-charged matters. Without the ability to ask for clarification, to read body language and to hear voice intonation, e-mail or text can lead to major misunderstandings. If you are too "upset to speak in person," Perry recommends getting a third party to assist.

The bottom line here? Be the adult. Your kids don't need you to be perfect but they need to see that there are ways to communicate honestly, to resolve conflict effectively and to learn from mistakes. They want to know that you will keep them safe from too many negative feelings and actions, even during this extremely complicated time. You can do it, for them.

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Today, 1 in 4 people getting divorced is in this age group.  What accounts for the rise in "gray divorces"?  Potential explanations include:

(1) Today we live in an era of individualized marriages in which those who wed have high expectations for marital success.  People want and expect marriages to provide them with self-fulfillment and personal satisfaction.  If a marriage is not achieving these goals, then divorce is an acceptable solution;

(2) Baby boomers are more likely than previous generations to have already experienced divorce and remarriage.  And, statistically speaking, those remarriages are at greater risk for ending in divorce.  In part, these marriages may tend to be more fragile due to relationship challenges associated with forming a step-family.  They also may involve individuals who have demonstrated their willingness to get divorced in the event of an unsatisfactory marriage;

(3) Another factor in the growing rate of late-in-life divorces includes the increasing tendency of couples to reassess their unions at life-turning points, such as an empty nest or retirement.  With lengthening life spans, it is not unusual for men and women who are aged 65 to expect to live 20 or more years.  This is a long time to spend with someone you may not like much anymore.

It appears that the increased divorce rate among the graying population of baby boomers is a trend that is likely to last for some period of time.  To learn more about gray divorces and the research conducted by Dr. Susan L. Brown, click here:  http://soa.li/6X117ak

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"Blowing bubbles is a beautiful memory in a child's life, therefore we could find no better way to express the importance of allowing children the freedom to love both parents."

~Parental Alienation Awareness Day website

Cities around the globe will take time out on April 25, 2013, to build awareness of the behavior pattern known as parental alienation. Last year events took place in Australia, Brazil, Canada, Germany, Poland, South Africa, Sweden, the US and more.

Many locations nationally and internationally commemorate the day with "Bubbles of Love" events. Most events include information, snacks and bubble blowing equipment. Families are encouraged to gather at a given time and to blow bubbles for at least 10 minutes to demonstrate loving families. According to the Bubbles of Love Day website, the day honors children's right to be loved freely by both parents and their extended families "without fear of repercussions or being called a traitor."

Event supporters are optimistic that increasing awareness of parental alienation will bring about social change. Raising the awareness of how damaging these behaviors are to children should help family members, teachers and other professionals to recognize the signs of such conduct and intervene to get professional assistance before too much damage is done to an entire family.

Concerned Floridians can attend the Bubbles of Love event in Lakeland, Florida, at noon on April 25th at Common Ground Park. Event coordinators said, "Mayors from Lakeland & Winter Haven have sent proclamations declaring April 25 as Parental Alienation Awareness Day."

If you aren't able to make it to an event but still wants to participate. Grab some bubbles, a few loved ones and take at least 10 minutes inside or outside to blow a little love around.

For more information or to volunteer for an event, click here.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first described the stages of grieving about and recovering from a major traumatic event such as a death or divorce as follows:

1.       DENIAL

The realization that your marriage is ending is not easy to accept.  Often we experience the emotions:  "This is not happening to me; it's all a misunderstanding.  It's just a mid-life crisis.  We can work it out."

2.       ANGER AND RESENTMENT

Feeling anger during a divorce or other emotion of loss is a natural part of the healing process.

Anger may be directed at your spouse for causing you pain, yourself for failing to make your marriage a success or the universe for bringing that person into your life.  This stage can be described as:  "How can he (she) do this to me?  What did I ever do to deserve this?  This is not fair!"

3.       BARGAINING

Bargaining as you are grieving a divorce may manifest itself in the form of cutting a deal with your spouse, yourself, or the universe in general.  Spiritual bargaining is not uncommon nor is a sudden willingness to agree or compromise with points of dissention in your relationship.  Individuals in this stage of grieving often find themselves thinking or saying:  "If you'll stay, I'll change" or "If I agree to do it (money, child rearing, sex, whatever) your way, can we get back together?"

4.       DEPRESSION

Your marriage may be ending on the most amiable of terms, but you may still feel depressed about not making it work.  An individual in this stage may confront the following:  "This is not really happening; I can't do anything about it; and I don't think I can bear it."

5.       ACCEPTANCE

Accepting that the marriage is over is an important part of moving on in your life after a divorce.  Even if you have residual feelings of guilt or anger, you can accept the reality of the situation.  During this stage, you may think:  "Okay, this is how it is, and I'd rather accept it and move on than wallow in the past."

Understanding these stages of grief can be very helpful in how you process your emotions and make decision during your divorce.  It is important to know when you are in the early stages of the grief and recovery process, it can be challenging to think clearly or to make reasonable decisions.  Consequently, being aware of your present stage of grief recovery is an important step towards ensuring that you will make the best choices that you can during your divorce.

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One counter-argument points out that it does not take into consideration the age/developmental level of the child.  For instance, from birth to approximately six months, overnight contact would be contraindicated in situations where one parent has not significantly participated in activities such as feeding, comforting, playing with or routine parenting responsibilities.  Parenting plans or visitation/timesharing schedules should insure that infants retain their relationships with the primary attachment figures, while simultaneously expanding their relationship with the parent who formerly had less in the way of child-caring responsibilities.  Such a program involves substantial contact with both parents, but it does not equate to a 50-50 overnight timesharing arrangement.

There are similar concerns when dealing with teenaged children.  As parents all know, teenagers view their peer group to be far more important than their parental attachments.  Imposing a 50-50 timesharing/visitation arrangement on teenaged children can be disruptive to their social relationships, activities, and in their developing a sense of having a “home base”.  Such a schedule also takes away from older teens (15 – 17 year olds) having a sense of autonomy and independence.  Consequently, the bottom line is that all parents should be actively involved with their children in their children’s lives, regardless of their ages.  However, when looking at the age and developmental requirements of children, that may not equate in all divorce cases to a 50-50 timesharing schedule.  Experienced divorce attorneys in West Palm Beach and elsewhere in Florida acknowledge that although well intended, this statutory amendment may only create more litigation rather than less litigation in divorce cases.

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However, what if you don't believe your marriage is irretrievably broken?  Is there a way to challenge your spouse's request for divorce?  Florida Statutes § 61.052(2)(b) deals with this possibility:

(b)     When there is a minor child of the marriage, or when the responding party denies by answer to the petition for dissolution (divorce) that the marriage is irretrievably broken, the court may:

(1)     Order either or both parties to consult with a marriage counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, minister, priest, rabbi, or any other person deemed qualified by the court and acceptable to the party or parties ordered to seek consultation; or

(2)     Continue the proceedings for a reasonable length of time not to exceed three months, to enable the parties themselves to effect a reconciliation; or

(3)     Take such other action as may be in the best interest of the parties and the minor child of the marriage.

If, at any time, the court finds that the marriage is irretrievably broken, the court shall enter a judgment of dissolution of marriage.  If the court finds the marriage is not irretrievably broken, it shall deny the petition for dissolution of marriage.

It appears that this Florida statute provides a method by which one spouse may challenge a legal request for divorce.  However, as in true with many aspects of the law, there exists a theoretical use of the statute vs. its practical application.  In theory, the statute provides a method by which someone may challenge a petition for divorce.  However, in practicality, the courts do not often order divorcing spouses into reconciliation counseling or to pause/abate the proceedings.  Generally speaking, the judges take the position that if one party asserts that their marriage is irretrievably broken, the judge will grant the divorce even over the objection of the other party.  The reasoning behind this practice is that it takes two people to make a marriage work.  Similarly, it takes two people who desire to reconcile their differences to make reconciliation counseling successful.  As a result, unless both parties are willing to engage in either an abatement of their divorce proceedings or to enter into reconciliation counseling, the court will not require them to do so.

If you have any questions regarding your divorce or family law matter and wish to schedule a consultation with a West Palm Beach board-certified marital and family law attorney, contact The Law Firm of Charles D. Jamieson, P.A., at 561-478-0312.

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In the journal, Bone and Walsh state that the primary indicator of parental alienation is when a parent actively blocks "access or contact between the child and the absent parent." An alienating parent's rationale for such behavior often starts with the "need" to protect. It can begin with a simple belief that the absent parent exhibits poor behavior or makes unfortunate decisions. An alienating parent then systematically prohibits the child from seeing the other parents by using various behaviors.

For example, when the non-custodial parent's plans change due to normal life circumstances, the custodial parent takes the change as an inconvenience and does not follow-through with the change, "relegating it to the status of an errand or chore." This behavior says to the child that seeing the other parent is not important.

According to Chaim Steinberger, a private practice attorney in Brooklyn, the alienating parent may “forget” telephone messages left for the children or “lose” the letters or postcards sent them. Steinberger said, "She might also 'forget' to relay holiday greetings or even lie and tell the children, 'Your father hasn’t called'.” These types of behaviors are subtle ways to undermine the feelings of the child towards the absent parent.

Over time, an alienating parent's physical blocking of contact, along with more dangerous mental and emotional blocking can destabilize the relationship, leaving scars for years to come.

Parental alienation is a dramatic ordeal for a child and for a non-custodial parent. Identifying some of the markers in a former spouse, a friend, a family member or even yourself, can lead one to reach out for help. For more information on parental alienation in Florida, contact a qualified attorney in your community.

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